


i’ll always be by your side

by ikjottw



Category: Silverboys - Fandom, Treasure 13, YG Entertainment | YG Family, YG Treasure Box (TV)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Healing, M/M, Mutual Pining, raesung just wants hyunsuk to be happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-04-24 13:08:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19173928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ikjottw/pseuds/ikjottw
Summary: Aftermath of Hyunsuk being added to Treasure 13 and Silverboys splitting apart.Where Junkyu takes Hyunsuk to Raesung’s studio so he can listen to his compositions secretly. The longer Hyunsuk listens to his compositions he realizes that the songs are seemingly dedicated to someone and the longer he listens to the lyrics, the more he begins to realize that someone is him.





	i’ll always be by your side

Choi Hyunsuk had it all, he had debuted. It had been his dream since he knew what rap was. But something about his win just made him feel more empty inside. He had debuted, but at what cost? The friends he made along the way had all gone their separate ways. His eternal partner Gon wasn’t always with him anymore, his same age friend Seunghun had left with him too, Midam hyung couldn’t handle the pressure and opted to leave too, Noa left before he even got a chance to show his performance skills to an audience, Woong hyung was now going to debut with another group and Raesung had decided he wanted to be a producer instead of training with them anymore, instead of training with Hyunsuk anymore. 

He didn’t have time to complain though. He was now a leader. He had to be strong.

That’s why when he enters Raesung’s studio to start the recording for their debut song, he puts on his happy facade as usual.

“Hey, Rae” He smiles. 

Raesung doesn’t look up from his computer and just hums. “Yedam and Junkyu already recorded, said you’d be late because you were still practicing. They tell me you’re always the last one to leave?” Raesung finally turns his chair around to give Hyunsuk a pointed look. 

Hyunsuk looks at him bashfully, “I just want everything to go smoothly.” 

Raesung sighs, “You’re going to burn yourself out one day, Suk.”

“You’re not there to stop me anymore.” Hyunsuk hadn’t meant to say that out loud, so when he realized he had said his thoughts out loud, his eyes went wide. 

Raesung gave him a shocked look and guilt began filling his eyes. 

Hyunsuk quickly changed the topic, “How is it? Making songs constantly instead? Must be nice to finally get a break once in a while now.” Hyunsuk doesn’t mention how he sees Raesung in their old practice room sometimes when everyone’s gone home, he doesn’t mention the fact that Raesung still dances as if it’s his heart and soul. 

Raesung smiles, “It’s fun, I love making songs, I always have.” Hyunsuk just nods and gets into the booth. 

-

The recording isn’t going well. Hyunsuk keeps messing up his lines and his voice isn’t in a good condition. Raesung is usually ruthless when it came to his criticism, but he’s being patient today. Just saying, “Again.” Every time Hyunsuk messes up.

Hyunsuk sighs frustratedly, it had been a long time since he had gotten one on one time like this with Raesung and he wasn’t showing a good side of him at all.

He wanted to rip his hair out. 

Raesung speaks into the mic, “Hyunsuk, just come out. We’ll try again tomorrow, yeah? Some of the other members from your group are coming to record too. Come a bit after that.” 

Hyunsuk doesn’t mention how it used to be “Our Group.” instead. 

Hyunsuk exits the booth and sits beside Raesung. “I’m sorry I couldn’t do it Rae.” His confidence was at an all time low after the survival show they did. 

One Raesung had opted out of joining. 

Raesung just gives him an understanding look and ruffles his hair, “You probably have a lot of burden on your shoulders now right? Don’t forget that Yedam, Junkyu, Doyoung and Jihoon are still there , yeah? Don’t try to do everything by yourself, if things get too hard, ask them for help. I’m always here too, okay? I might not be able to go on stage with you anymore but i’m always in the same building Suk, you can share your worries with me.” 

It seemed like Raesung had gotten even more mature since he left. His hair was also growing longer and Hyunsuk had a strange urge to put his hands through it. 

Hyunsuk stares at Raesung for a while before he finally speaks, “I don’t know how to do it Raesung, you were the leader before and then it was Gon hyung. It was never me, it wasn’t supposed to be me.” His breath hitches. 

Raesung sighs and then pulls Hyunsuk in for a hug, “You did it on mixnine right? Even though it was for a short period of time, you still did it. I know you’ll be a good leader Hyunsuk, everyone looks up to you.” 

Raesung tries to pull away but Hyunsuk just holds him tighter, “But you left Rae.” His tone is accusatory. He hadn’t even brought it up when Raesung had broke the news to them. He had just stared at Raesung in shock, not believing him, thinking it was some kind of sick joke. 

Yedam and Raesung were always two of the boys who’s debut spots were basically guaranteed. 

Raesung looks at him eyes full of pain, “I wasn’t going to go through a survival show again Hyunsuk. I didn’t waste my years of training to have my skills doubted.” He states.

Hyunsuk scoffs, “Debuting with us should’ve been the goal Raesung.” 

Raesung glared at him, “And how did that work out Suk? Everyone got broken up. Noa left too, then Woong hyung left and then Jihoon. What was I supposed to do? It wasn’t us anymore. Our team was incomplete.” 

Hyunsuk looked at him with sadness clouding his eyes, “You could’ve stayed for me.” He whispered. He quickly added onto the sentence after he realizes what he had said, “You could’ve stayed for Yedam and Junkyu, they both wanted to debut with you. For Gon, who adored you as his dongsaeng Rae, he gushed about your compositions the most. For Midam, who always took care of you quietly. For Seunghun and Jihoon, who you always joked around with, for Doyoung who looked up to you so much a-and for me, your dance partner, your rap partner, your partner in crime Rae.” 

Raesung just cold heartedly turned to his computer again. Hyunsuk realizes that Raesung isn’t going to say anything anymore. He moves out of his embrace and picks up his thing. He moves to open the door but is stopped in his tracks when Raesung speaks up, “That’s exactly why I didn’t stay Suk, I wasn’t going to compete against you guys. I wasn’t going to see you all cry and fight for spots again, I didn’t want to be apart of that. We already did so much of that behind the scenes. I didn’t want to compete with you Hyunsuk.” Raesung says.

Hyunsuk turns to look at him, eyes wide, “Yeah, I guess it just wasn’t meant to be yeah?” But Hyunsuk wishes it was, he wishes for it with his whole heart. 

“Maybe it wasn’t. Just. Just take care of yourself, yeah? Taking care of that many people must be hard, come here whenever you need a break? I’ll make up an excuse, that you’re recording.” Raesung smirked, it reminded him of how they all used to ditch practice sometimes to eat ice cream and if they got caught Yedam would just turn on his charm and act innocent with the manager, so they’d be left off the hook. 

Hyunsuk smiles, “That’d be nice Rae.” 

-

Hyunsuk was the last one to leave the practice room again, he couldn’t get part of the choreography down perfectly at all. He needed it to be perfect. He had to be perfect. He barely made it into the group anyways. 

Hyunsuk practiced and practiced. He looked at the clock on the practice room wall. 

3 AM

Junkyu would surely scold him again if he found out. 

He suddenly hears the door of the practice room open. He figures it’s his manager clocking off from work and that she’d come to tell him off and to go home. But it wasn’t, it was Raesung. 

Who looked at him and sighed, “I had a gut feeling you’d be here.”

Hyunsuk felt the heat creep onto his neck and then his cheeks. “I wasn’t getting one part of the choreography right. I wanted it to be perfect.” He said, ashamed.

Raesung didn’t scold him like Junkyu or Gon would though. He just gave him a knowing stare. 

“I’ll help you.” Raesung stated.

Hyunsuk looked at him with wide eyes, “What?” 

Raesung gave him a teasing smile, “I’ll help you. You won’t leave until you think it’s perfect right? I could send you home right now, but then you’ll probably just overthink everything in your bed, that you’re lacking and you aren’t. So i’ll help you, yeah?” 

Hyunsuk still couldn’t believe what he was hearing, but then let out the biggest grin, “I’d like that.” 

Raesung looked it over and then relayed the key points to Hyunsuk. Hyunsuk looked at him in awe. There was truly a reason as to why Raesung was considered a genius. 

Raesung relayed each and every step to him and helped him position himself. 

If Hyunsuk made a small mistake Raesung would catch on and help him correct it. It took only twenty minutes before Hyunsuk felt satisfied. 

“Thanks Rae.” He smiled.

Raesung ruffled his hair again, “I can’t always be here to help you, you know? You have to start taking care of yourself Suk, you don’t have to be perfect all the time.” 

Hyunsuk grimaced, “I need to prove i’m worthy of this spot Rae.” He said quietly.

Raesung let out a sigh of disapproval, “Hyunsuk, you’re worked your ass off to get here okay? You spent your nights in this practice room so you could become the best you can be. If you don’t deserve this, then no one does.”

“I just wish it was us Rae.” Hyunsuk let out a sob. 

“I wish it was all of us on stage singing our song. With our fans, as they all chanted our names. It was supposed to be us Rae. What happened.” Hyunsuk whimpered. 

Raesung held him in his arms again, “That’s just trainee life Hyunsuk, nothing is guaranteed. Plus what does a rat like YG know about talent anyways. He wouldn’t know if it hit him in the face with a shoe and you said it yourself yeah, we’ll meet at the end. Somehow, i know it’ll happen.”

Hyunsuk let out a giggle, “He really wouldn’t.” 

Raesung smiled and then got up, he held out his hand for Hyunsuk to hold. “I’ll walk you to your dorm, yeah?” 

Raesung doesn’t mention how they also used to live in the same dorm. How it used to be their dorm.

Hyunsuk nods and grabs Raesung’s hand, they walk in silence to the dorm. Both finding peace in the calm. 

Raesung and Hyunsuk make it to the door of the dorm, “Do you want to come in?” Hyunsuk sounds hopeful.

Raesung flinches, he doesn’t want to see who Hyunsuk, Junkyu and Yedam’s new members are. He was supposed to be there with them. It would just cause him pain and make him think of what could have been. He quickly lets out a, “I’m not ready yet.” And Hyunsuk nods in understanding. “Hopefully, one day.” 

“One day.” Raesung just repeats. Before Hyunsuk goes in he gives Raesung a small kiss on the cheek, “Thank you Raesung. For everything. Since we were trainees till now.” 

“Bit late, don’t you think?” Raesung gives him another teasing smile. 

“Better late than never.” Hyunsuk just says. 

Raesung grabs Hyunsuk’s hand again, “What I really wanted to ask was, does it still hurt?”

Hyunsuk got what Raesung was saying, “It did hurt when Gon left. I didn’t even properly get to convey my feelings to him. But i didn’t want to be a burden to him, he’s going to make his debut soon too. All I can do is root for him and then maybe one day in the future it’ll work out, yeah?” 

Hyunsuk was cut off by the sound of the door opening, It was Junkyu and Yedam and they both had their coats on. Junkyu and Yedam both looked shocked at the sight of Raesung. Junkyu then looks at Hyunsuk and Raesung’s clasped hands and Raesung quickly pulls his hand away.

“Thank god you’re here Suk hyung, we were just about to come get you. Hey, Rae hyung.” 

“Hey, Yedammie.” Raesung smiled. 

“I saw him still practicing, so I made him come home.” He joked. 

Junkyu looked at him knowingly, “Were you practicing yourself before you went though.” 

Hyunsuk turned to look at Raesung in shock, “I don’t know what you’re talking about Kyu.” Rae snapped. 

Yedam intervened, “Well you’re here now Suk, Raesung hyung it’s late, want to just sleep here?” 

“He won’t.” Junkyu said matter of factly. 

“I won’t.” Raesung confirmed. 

The other boys just nodded in understanding. 

-

Hyunsuk walked into the studio with Junkyu this time, Raesung gave them a simple greeting and Junkyu went into the booth first. Raesung turned around to look at Hyunsuk for a second and frowned, Hyunsuk cowered under his gaze, “You’ve gotten really skinny, have you been eating well? Your dark circles are getting worse too. You need to take care of yourself Suk.” 

Hyunsuk felt a strange emotion grow in his chest but he ignored it, “I’ve just been busy.” He muttered. 

Junkyu spoke up from the booth, “If you two are going to flirt, can you at least turn off the mic so I don’t have to hear you?”

Raesung turned around and glared at Junkyu, “This is your fault too, you little shit. I told you to take care of him and make sure he doesn’t overdo it.”

Hyunsuk felt a blush creep up to his cheeks because of Raesung’s words. 

Junkyu rolled his eyes, “I try, It’s not my fault he only listens to Gon or you Rae. I had to call Gon one time and tell him to tell Hyunsuk to stop.” 

Raesung spoke up again, “I’m going to start checking up on you before I leave work Suk, this isn’t healthy.” 

Hyunsuk’s breath got caught in his throat, “I’ll seriously take care of myself you don’t have to-“ 

Raesung cut him off, “But I will.” Raesung glared at Hyunsuk and Hyunsuk cowered in his gaze, he nodded so he could escape from the heat that was in Raesung’s eyes. 

Junkyu’s recording went by with no problem at all, Hyunsuk walked into the booth and did what was told of him. He kept messing up again. He felt tears of frustration threatening to leak out, he can’t mess this us. This’ll be on their album. He can’t give people another reason to hate on him.

Raesung stopped the recording, “No, I really can do it Rae let me try-“

“Focus on me, okay?”

“Huh?” Hyunsuk looked at him in confusion. 

“Focus on me, don’t think about trying to make anyone proud. Don’t think about trying to prove yourself. Don’t think about anyone, just focus on what’s in front of you. Pretend we’re in 2017 again, you just got added to team a and this is your first time recording properly. Focus on me and pretend you’re in the past if you have to. Remember the happiness you felt when you got added, when you felt closer to your debut.” 

Hyunsuk stood in complete silence for a few seconds but then nodded. Raesung smiled and started the track again. Hyunsuk stared directly into his eyes as he rapped his verse. Raesung didn’t look away once. Hyunsuk felt enthralled by his gaze, it was warm now. Way different than the gaze he had when Hyunsuk had first joined team a, back then Raesung had been cold to them until they had really proved themselves to be worthy of the team a title. 

Hyunsuk had wanted his validation so bad back then, Raesung was an all rounder trainee, everyone knew him. Being acknowledged by him meant you were also one of the bests. Maybe he still wanted to be acknowledged by him. 

Raesung stopped the track, “That was perfect Suk.” He smiled. 

Hyunsuk beamed back, whenever he met Raesung again, it felt like a load of weight had been lifted of his shoulders. He exited the booth, Junkyu spoke up first, “I don’t know what I just witnessed, but you guys do know i’m here right?” 

Raesung threw a pillow on the couch on him, “Shut it.” 

Hyunsuk played with the sleeves of his shirt, he looked to Raesung nervously. “Raesung, do you maybe want to watch our mv filming tomorrow?" He didn’t want to mention how he was scared he would mess up. How only Raesung made him feel calm in those types of situations. 

Raesung smiled, but the smile held years of pain, “Suk I want to, but I can’t. That used to be my dream. Having my song playing in the background while I shoot a music video with my group. I can’t bare to see it. I’m sorry.” Raesung looked at him with apologetic eyes. 

Junkyu and Hyunsuk both stared at him, astounded. Raesung rarely let himself talk about the past, much less talk in a way that suggested he regretted his decision. 

Junkyu quickly intervened, “You don’t have to Rae, of course you don’t. We completely understand.” He rubbed Raesung’s back. 

“Yeah.” Raesung just stared at Hyunsuk though, trying to show him just how sorry he was that he couldn’t be there. 

Hyunsuk looked away. 

“Junkyu, let’s go. The kids are waiting.”

Raesung grimaced at the word kids. Kids wasn’t just Doyoung and Yedam anymore. Hyunsuk, Doyoung, Jihoon, Yedam and Junkyu all had different lives he wasn’t apart of now. Different connections and different people they spent most of their time with now. 

Raesung looked away, “I’d still like it if you came Rae.” Hyunsuk whispered out on the way. His tone was almost pleading.

-

Raesung doesn’t know why he shows up to the filming, but he does. Some of the staff he knew from his trainee days look at him like he’s a foreign alien, their eyes are full of shock. Team A’s old manager just smiles at him, “i’m glad you came.” 

“Yeah.” Raesung nods. 

Hyunsuk is with his group. His group, it feels so wrong to say, to even think. It was always supposed to be them. Their group. 

Hyunsuk spots him and walks over, he has the brightest smile on his face and he’s waving at him. “You came.” He said as he hugs Raesung.

“I came.” Raesung states with a small smile. 

Hyunsuk put their foreheads together, “I’m glad.” 

“I couldn’t miss out on you killing it, right?” Raesung smiled. 

“Right.” Hyunsuk hummed.

They were close. Their faces were absolutely too close. They didn’t pull apart though. Raesung just stared into Hyunsuk’s eyes. His eyes drifted to Hyunsuk’s lips before he could even stop himself. He quickly made his eyes go back to Hyunsuk’s eyes. He could tell that Hyunsuk hadn’t missed the movement. But before anything else could happen a voice broke their thoughts, “If you two are done with this sexual tension you’ve been keeping for four years, Hyunsuk the directors calling us.” Jihoon says. 

Raesung feels his face going red, “Good luck guys.” Hyunsuk just smiles and walks away with Jihoon. 

-

The shooting ends without a hitch. Doyoung comes to him first, “Raesung hyung, I can’t believe you actually came.” He exclaimed. 

Raesung chuckled, “I can’t believe I came either.” 

“But you’d do anything for Hyunsuk hyung.” Doyoung gave him a knowing look. 

“Getting all wise on me huh?” Raesung smirked. 

“Nope, even i’m sick of your pining though, It’s been going on for years. Tell him before other guys start slipping their numbers into his inkigayo sandwich. But don’t worry even if that happens, as the number one raesuk supporter i’ll switch out the numbers for yours. He’ll be a megastar soon you know, needa bag him while you still can.” Doyoung said in all seriousness. 

Raesung snorted, “Thanks for the concern dobby, but I don’t like him like that.”

Doyoung gave him a look of disbelief, “Lying? On my christian minecraft server?” 

Raesung sadly smiled, “It wouldn’t matter even if i wasn’t lying, his heart belongs to someone else. It always has.”

Yedam who had been listening in on them walked up to them and rolled his eyes, “Then you fight for him Rae hyung. Gon hyung declaring his feelings for Seunghun had hurt him, it hurt him even more when Gon left because he thought it was because he chose Seunghun over him, even though that wasn’t the reason he left. He was just sick of yg’s shit.” 

Raesung’s eyes are as wide as a fish’s right now, “Byounggon has feelings for Seunghun?” 

Doyoung snorted, “Raesung hyung literally everyone knew this.” 

“And Hyunsuk knows?” He questions.

Yedam and Doyoung nod in confirmation.

“Fuck, I need to find him.”

He gets up from his chair and looks for Hyunsuk. He’s there with one of the younger members in his group.

Raesung walks over and grabs Hyunsuk’s arm, “Sorry, I need to borrow him for a bit.” 

He tugs him away, “Raesung what are you doing?” 

“Byounggon likes Seunghun and you knew?” 

Hyunsuk looks at him with wide eyes and then glared, “Are you trying to to rub it in?”

Raesung ran his hand through his hair frustratedly, “Fuck no, you never told me Suk.” 

“I thought you knew.” Hyunsuk was looking at confused.

Raesung shook his head, “I didn’t. Fuck, you must’ve been hurting so much. And I wasn’t there and was avoiding you because I was a coward. I didn’t want to face you after I left. You needed me and I wasn’t there. I wasn’t there to comfort you.” A few tears slipped Raesung’s eyes but he didn’t even notice. 

Hyunsuk wiped them away and shook his head, “It wasn’t that bad Rae, i’m good? See? Look at me, i’m completely fine. You were hurting then too. Plus, one heartbreak won’t hurt me.” Hyunsuk smiled.

Raesung desperately wanted to tell him that he wanted to make sure he smiled forever. That he would do anything for him. But he doesn’t, he’s a coward. He always has been. He just nods.

Hyunsuk smiles again, “C’mon, i’ll introduce you to the rest of my members.” 

Raesung feels like he’s been slapped where it hurts the most, my members, my members, the words keep playing in his brain like a broken record. He pulls his arm away like he’s burned and Hyunsuk looks at him shocked. 

“I need to go.” He tries to bolt.

Hyunsuk stops him, “What happened Rae?”

Raesung glares, “I don’t know, maybe your members will know though.” Raesung knows it’s stupid, he knows it’s stupid to be getting mad over this. He chose to leave, it was his decision. He has no right to be mad. 

Hyunsuk looks at him in shock, “Fuck Rae, i’m so sorry, I didn’t even think about how you’d feel.”

“Cut the bullshit.” Raesung pulled away and left this time, leaving Hyunsuk standing in the middle of the location, confused as hell. 

-

Hyunsuk tried to reach Raesung numerous times after that, he kept calling his phone over and over again. If he had a song to record with him, at least then Raesung would’ve been forced to meet him. But there was nothing. Hyunsuk even went to the studio a few times and knocked, but every single time either Hanbin or Jaewon hyung would answer and give him an apologetic smile. Signaling to Hyunsuk, that Raesung was in fact in there, but he just didn’t want to meet him.

Hyunsuk gave up by the time the week ended, he figured he had finally found a way to make Raesung leave him too. Leave him like how his hyungs and Noa had left.

No, that wasn’t fair to them. They didn’t have a choice. Hyunsuk reminded himself. But that didn’t change the hurt he still felt. 

-

He needed a break and he was going to get it. 

-

He sat at a park for hours, it was the park team A used to skip practice at. Most of the times they’d just goof around, sometimes they’d talk about how one day they would be a real group, with real fans and would perform on stage together. Hyunsuk let out a bitter laugh, life truly did fuck with everyone. 

-

He didn’t know how long he had been there for. He chugged the bottle of vodka like it was the only remedy to his pain. He could feel his phone blowing up, probably his manager and his members. He was probably going to get into so much shit when he went back, but it didn’t matter right now. He picked up his phone and called someone. 

“Suk?” 

“Gon hyung.” He sobbed. 

“Suk, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” Gon asked worriedly. 

“No, nothing’s okay. I’m fucking scared hyung. I don’t know how to do this, I don’t know how to take care of all these kids. I don’t want to be perfect all the time, I’m not even close to some of them but I have to act like we’re the bestest of friends. Because that’s what being an idol is all about, right Gon hyung? I have to be fake all the time. I’m tired Gon. I’m tired. Raesung won’t even look at me, he’s been avoiding me for weeks. He can’t leave me too Gon, he can’t. He’s the only thing keeping me sane.” 

Gon stayed silent for a few seconds, “Listen, here’s what you’re going to do. You’re going to go back and talk to Junkyu or Jihoon yeah? They’ll figure out a way to get you to talk to Raesung. You need to start sharing your worries with the boys too Hyunsuk. Me and Raesung aren’t going to always be there now. Even if we really want to be, don’t hold things in Suk. Jihoon, Yedam, Doyoung and Junkyu all care about you so much too. Don’t think you’re being a burden to them. As for being fake all the time, you don’t have to be. It’ll happen naturally, okay? You’re a nice person and it’ll show on screen. Everything will be alright, yeah?” 

Hyunsuk felt relieved at hearing Gon’s words, “They’re probably sad too, I don’t want them to hear my bullshit too.”

Gon sighed, “Friends don’t care about that stuff Suk and remember what we said right? Friends that will last forever, that’s what we are and nothing’s going to change that. You’d never be a burden to them.” 

Hyunsuk nodded and then realized Gon couldn’t see him through the phone, “Thank you Gon.” He whispered.

“Don’t worry about it Suk. I’m glad you called me. I’m glad you’re not as mad anymore.” Hyunsuk could sense the smile in his voice. 

“I was never mad at you, or any of the boys. I was mad at YG, I was mad at this stupid situation we were put in.”

Gon laughed, “Fuck YG lives, amirite?” 

“Tell me about it.” Before Hyunsuk could say anything further a car pulled up. Out walked a frantic Raesung. Hyunsuk quickly talked into the phone, “I have to hang up now Gon hyung, i’ll call you later.” And he ended the call. 

Raesung walked to him and whacked him on his arm, “What the absolute fuck is wrong with you. It’s fucking 4am Hyunsuk. I’ve been looking for you, for hours. Do you know how worried everyone is? Do you know how worried I was? I looked everywhere I could think of. And you’re here, drinking? Hyunsuk what if someone took pictures, what if something happened to you?” Raesung’s voice grew more and more worried by the second, his previous furious tone completely lost. 

“Why would you care? You were avoiding me for the past week.” Hyunsuk snapped. 

Raesung sighed, annoyed, “You’re one of best friends Hyunsuk, of course i’d be worried.” 

“Sure doesn’t feel like it.” Hyunsuk was gaining confidence because of his drunk state.

Raesung sat beside him on the bench and sighed, “I just needed time to think some things through yeah? I needed to get my thoughts in order. I was barely talking to anyone.” 

Hyunsuk let out a small cry, “I didn’t want you to leave me. You’ve already left the group. You can’t just stop talking to me either Rae.” 

Raesung stared at him sadly, “I’d never leave you, ever. They couldn’t pay me to Suk. But it’s fucking cold out here and we ARE going to die of hypothermia, so that might change soon.”

“At least we’ll die together.” Hyunsuk smirked. 

Raesung rolled his eyes, “Shut up, i’ll take you back to the dorms, okay? You’re lucky Junkyu called me and I covered for your ass. I told the manager you were going out with me to find some inspiration for a new song. So they’re assuming you’re sleeping at my place.”

“Can I?” Hyunsuk says in a small voice.

“Can you what?”

“Can I sleep at your place?” Hyunsuk nervously mutters.

“You want to do what?” Raesung manages to say, despite his shock. 

“I left today because I couldn’t deal with the group today, it hurt too much. Everything hurt too much. I just need some time okay, just a few more hours to sleep it off before I go back to that life.”

Raesung patted his head and then kissed his forehead, he nodded in understanding, “You’re always welcome at mine.” 

He continues, “Now come, or you actually will die of hypothermia.” 

-

They slept on the same bed. Hyunsuk was always one who cuddled and Raesung didn’t have the willpower to say no. 

-

“You’re so beautiful.” He whispers when he sees that Hyunsuk has fallen asleep.

-  
Hyunsuk is sitting on Junkyu’s bed one day, texting Raesung when Junkyu slams his book shut.

“I want to kill you.” He states.

“I breathed?” Hyunsuk said perplexed.

“You keep giggling at your phone like a little schoolgirl, I know for a fact Raesung isn’t that funny.” 

“How do you know i’m talking to Raesung?” Hyunsuk glares at him.

Junkyu just raises his eyebrows.

“Okay fine, I am talking to him and he’s funny, leave him alone.” Hyunsuk pouted.

Junkyu grabs a pillow and screams into it, “God, I give up. Please save me from these two oblivious idiots.” 

Hyunsuk stares at him confused, “What do you mean?” 

Junkyu looks at him as if we’re stupid, “You have to be kidding me. You’re both fucking in love with each other.”

Hyunsuk’s eyes went wide, “N-No we’re not. He wouldn’t like me. With all our schedules I barely get to see him anyways.”

Junkyu hit him with his pillow, “You talk to him twenty four seven on the phone, what the absolute fuck are you going on about?” 

“Because we’re friends.” Hyunsuk states. 

Junkyu looks at his watch, “It should be the time Raesung’s in his studio, we’re going I need to show you something.”

“W-What?” Hyunsuk tries to question but Junkyu drags him out before he can. 

-  
Junkyu and Hyunsuk reach Raesung‘s studio, Hyunsuk moves his mouth to speak but Junkyu quickly covers it. “This is usually the time he plays some of his songs around. Just listen, stay quiet okay?” Hyunsuk was confused but he just simply nodded. 

Just like Junkyu said Hyunsuk could make out the lyrics of a song through the walls. He listened carefully, it was a song about how someone made him strong with their love. Hyunsuk didn’t like Raesung, so why did it feel like his heart was being broken into pieces? Just the thought of sharing Raesung’s attention with someone or the thought of Raesung hugging someone that wasn’t him had him wanting to punch a wall.

[One Direction - Strong]

“Is this what you wanted to show me? I’m leaving.” Hyunsuk glared at Junkyu. “Shut the fuck up and keep listening Suk.” Hyunsuk sighed and obliged. 

-

Hyunsuk kept on listening and then felt his eyes get wide, he remembered what he had said to Raesung, when Raesung had gone to LA to work on songs with some producers there. 

[One Direction - If I Could Fly]

\- - - - - - - - - - -

“I miss you though.” Hyunsuk had whined. 

Raesung chuckled, “I’ll be back in a few days Suk.” 

Hyunsuk pouted even though Raesung couldn’t see him, “Everyone but you, Doyoung, Yedam and Noa met up today.” He stated.

“Yeah, I heard. I’m in the groupchat too you know?” Raesung said with a teasing tone in his voice. 

“I wanted you to be there too. Can’t you just like, I don’t know, fly here?” 

“If I could fly I’d come home to you everytime, Hyunsuk.” Raesung said seriously. 

Hyunsuk felt himself blush, “That’s so fucking cheesy Rae, save that line for your boyfriends.” 

Raesung laughed but Hyunsuk didn’t hear the pain behind it, “I have to go now yeah Suk, they’re calling me?”

“Call me later?” Hyunsuk said. 

“Obviously.” 

\- - - - - - - - - -

It could just be a coincidence, right? He thought to himself. He wasn’t going to let him get his hopes up. The next song played and Hyunsuk listened intently to it as if life depended on it. He dropped his phone in shock. Raesung liked him. Scratch that, Raesung loved him. The Choi Raesung, the one Hyunsuk has always found unattainable. The one who he had, had a crush on the second he had saw him. But had shoved it into the deep corners of his heart because he had thought he was way out of Hyunsuk’s league. Raesung, his best friend. Who he tried to stop his feelings for because he didn’t want to ruin their friendship, loved him back. 

[Why Don’t We - Cold In LA]

\- - - - - - - - - -  
Raesung had called him back as soon as he was free and Hyunsuk immediately grabbed his phone and turned to his members, “I need to go take this.” He said with a giddy smile. Everyone but Yedam and Junkyu looked at him in confusion. Those two just gave him a knowing smile. 

“Rae.” Hyunsuk said.

“Suk.” Raesung teased.

Raesung continued, “You took longer to answer this time, I thought you like died or something.” 

Hyunsuk huffed, “It’s not like I sit around waiting for your call Raesung.” It was a lie and Raesung probably knew it too. 

“Sounds fake but okay, you know? I don’t really get what’s on your mind sometimes Hyunsuk?” 

“What do you mean?” Hyunsuk asked in confusion. 

“Nothing, I just feel like I find a new side of you everyday. I like it.” Hyunsuk could detect the smile in Raesung’s voice.

“I’m not too complicated for you then?” Hyunsuk said, his voice getting smaller. 

“Nope.” Raesung stated with absolute resolution. 

Hyunsuk changed the topic because he could feel himself getting more embarrassed by the minute, “How’s the weather there?”

Raesung snorts at Hyunsuk’s obviously ploy, but plays along, “Well to be honest, It’s cold in LA without you.” Something about his tone of voice, confused Hyunsuk as to whether he was being serious or not. 

“I swear to god if you say one more cheesy line to me, i’m never going to call you again.” 

Raesung laughed lightly, “We both know you’d end up calling me in five minutes anyways. 

Raesung spoke up once again before Hyunsuk could retort, “You have a break next week when I come back right?” 

“Yeah?” Hyunsuk asked in a curious voice.

“Stay at my place?” 

The way Raesung said it so bluntly made Hyunsuk want to scream into his pillow, Raesung didn’t even know what he was doing to him. “I’ll have to get permission but i’ll try.” He blushed. 

“Good.” 

“Good.” 

\- - - - - - - - - -

Hyunsuk looked at Junkyu when the songs stopped playing, “Junkyu, he loves me.” He said with wide eyes. 

Junkyu facepalmed, “Literally everyone knows but you, you doofus. If I called Raesung at 4am to talk about how I think there’s a ghost in the dorm because I drank too much caffeine, he’d come and stomp me and send me to the ghost world himself. If you do it, the ass actually tries to comfort you.”

Hyunsuk went red, “What do I do?” 

Junkyu huffed at how stupid Hyunsuk was being, he shoved him a bit, “Get in there and be a confident gay for once.” 

-

Hyunsuk let his new found confidence drag him to open the door. 

Raesung looked at the door in shock, “Suk?” 

“You love me.” Hyunsuk stated. He could hear Junkyu groan from outside. So much for being subtle. 

Raesung smirked, “I do, your point?” 

Hyunsuk gulped, this was not going according to plan. “You’re not gonna deny it? Or ask how I know?” 

“WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU MAKING IT MORE COMPLICATED FOR YOURSELF YOU IDIOT, HE SAID HE LOVES YOU.” Junkyu yelled from outside. 

Raesung couldn’t hold in his laughter anymore and he lost it. Hyunsuk pouted at him, “Take me seriously Rae, i’m trying here.” 

Raesung stifled his laughter and put a poker face on, “Yes, as you were saying baby? It’s okay, take your time.” 

“YOU BETTER HURRY THE FUCK UP HYUNSUK WE HAVE SHIT TO GET DONE TOO.” Junkyu exclaimed then. 

Raesung rolled his eyes, “Junkyu, just come inside.” Junkyu entered the room and sat on the couch, “Anyways, yes continue Hyunsuk, just act like i’m not here.” Junkyu says.

Hyunsuk starts playing with his sleeves, “I’ve never done this before.” He admits, his whole face red. 

Junkyu sighed, “Trust me Hyunsuk, we all know.” Raesung whacked Junkyu’s arm from beside him and walked up to Hyunsuk instead. 

He pulled him in closer by gripping his waist and then moved some of the hair that was blocking Hyunsuk’s face with his finger. 

“Do you love me back?” Raesung says.

“Yes.” Hyunsuk says confidently.

Raesung smiles, “Then, that’s all you need to say.” 

“I love you, Raesung. I’m sorry you have to take care of me all the time and fix my messes.” 

Raesung pulled Hyunsuk’s head into his chest, “Shh, don’t say sorry for anything Suk. I choose to do those things. I love you, I always have.”

Hyunsuk looked at him embarrassed, “You probably hated me when I talked about Gon all the time.” 

“Sister he ain’t the only one who was mad.” Junkyu snorted.

“Junkyu, shut the fuck up for like two seconds.” Raesung glared.

“Fine.” Junkyu put his hands up in surrender. 

Raesung turned back to Hyunsuk and gave him the most loving stare. Hyunsuk never wanted to look away, “It hurt a bit not going to lie, but i’m happy with you just being happy. If you had ended up with him I would’ve supported you, if it meant your happiness Suk.” 

Junkyu groaned, “That’s such a dumb bitch move Raesung, just shut the fuck up about wanting him to be happy. Get your man, are you dumb? Am I the only smart bitch in this house?” 

Hyunsuk let out a little laugh which made Raesung forget his annoyance at Raesung, “It would be a dumb bitch move Raesung, I agree. Because, at the end of the day you’re my home. You should’ve told me earlier you asshole.” Hyunsuk huffed.

Raesung smirked, “Hyunsuk, literally everyone but you knew. You’re just oblivious. They had a literal make Raesuk rise group chat.” 

Junkyu nodded in confirmation, “We still have it, they’re gonna be so happy when I tell them. Everyone’s going to have to acknowledge me as the smartest. I made Hyunsuk stop being a dumb bitch.” 

Hyunsuk and Raesung just ignored it.

Hyunsuk blushed as he talked to Raesung, “So, what does this mean?” 

Raesung pulled him even closer and kissed his forehead, “This means that i’ll take you out on dates, hold your hand, kiss you, make you feel like the most special guy like you deserve and write more songs about you. I’ll come to your dorm more often and you can come to mine, i’ll go see your concerts and go attend your fanmeetings and i’ll keep you in the studio longer than the others for extra sessions. Then we can go onto the bedroom stuff-.”

Hyunsuk covered Raesung’s mouth with his hand, “Junkyu’s still here, you dipshit.”

“Actually, i’m loving this content, tell him to please continue.” Junkyu said crossing his legs on the sofa. 

Raesung snorted, “So if you’ll have me, Choi Hyunsuk, will you be my boyfriend?” 

“Yes.” Hyunsuk smiled. He grabbed Raesung’s face and gave him a small peck.

-  
“Hyunsuk, you look fucking fine, let’s go! Who are you trying to impress anyways? You’ll be wearing a face mask.” Raesung exclaims.

“Maybe, you shouldn’t have dated a celebrity then and Gon hyung’s gonna be there right? Maybe he’ll dump Seunghun when he sees how pretty i am.” He expected Raesung to get jealous but Raesung just snorted. “Please, I need to get rid of you somehow.”

Hyunsuk glared at him, he then moved over to Raesung and started kissing him. Raesung pushed deeper into the kiss and Hyunsuk’s back landed on the fluffy mattress of his bed. Hyunsuk’s hands found Raesung’s hair and he tugged. Raesung moved onto his neck and started kissing and sucking on it. 

Raesung moved down onto Hyunsuk and Hyunsuk let out a little whimper. Raesung then got up, knowing exactly how worked up he had gotten Hyunsuk.

“Y-You can’t just leave me like this, are you dumb?” Hyunsuk said, his eyes still glazed.

“Just did, we’re gonna be late, so get ready quickly baby.” 

-

Raesung and Hyunsuk were in the car when Hyunsuk asked Raesung a question, “Do you ever regret it? Leaving the trainee life?” 

Raesung sighed, “Not really, I still love dancing and one day I do want to show it on stage. But, I don’t regret not debuting under YG. That place is a shitshow, if there’s one thing I regret it’s that I didn’t get to debut with all the boys. We were the perfect group, but YG missed out. Maybe if i had fought for it more, it would have happened, who knows?”

Hyunsuk nodded sadly, “Maybe it would have.” 

-

Their dinner with all the boys went just like it usually does. Noa and Junkyu kept on flirting, Midam and Woong were being a disgusting couple, Seunghun and Byounggon kept on teasing each other, Doyoung and Yedam were being chaotic like usual and Jihoon was complaining about how disgusting everyone but him was. But Hyunsuk and Raesung wouldn’t have it any other way. This was their home, their place they always returned to. 

Friends who will last forever, indeed. 

-

Hyunsuk still had trouble being the leader of a whole new group once in a while, but at the end of the day he knew he had Raesung to come back to and Hyung’s and dongsaengs he could always count on to listen. Things still weren’t completely okay, maybe he’ll never get over what could have been. But he was happy now. He was content.


End file.
